who want2 two play a game?
by Firefly264
Summary: In which Sollux Captor makes a forum post challenge in a fit of boredom, and finds himself surprisingly challenged. Dialogue-free. See beginning author's note for pairings/warnings. ONESHOT. Humanstuck 'verse


**Pairing(s): kind of SolRox-ish  
**

**Warnings: Expected levels of swearing, gratuitous use of quirks and typos  
**

**Additional Notes: this is technically humanstuck but you can't even tell pffff  
Also you might notice that Roxy is typing pretty legibly and it's partly because she's sober and partly because I can only mistype so many words before I lose my mind  
**

* * *

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] replied to forum post on board **who want2 two play a game**

Original post:

2up lo2er2, hacker of your pathetiic wet dream2 here. thiii2 2eem2 two be a pretty competent board, 2o here'2 a propo2iitiiion: anyone who thiink2 they can beat me at a hack-off get2 a free pa22 two any 2iite of theiir choo2iing. ii get them iin, they fuck around, and there'2 no trace of who'2 been there. iit could be the fuckiing CIIA for all ii care, 2omeone ju2t giive me a challenge.

-TA

Reply:

whoahoho that's one neetao quirk there, dude. what kind of hackoff r we talkin?

-TG

Reply [RE: Reply]:

iim gonna go out on a liimb here and 2ay you're the a22hole who triied to diig around my computer. niice try, jacka22. you made iit pretty far.

first person into the other2 databank2 wiin2.

-TA

Reply [RE: RE: Reply]

way to giev some legit warning jerk i almost just had a fucking hart attak

have fun with those new firewalls ~*~*~*~

-TG

* * *

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at [2:55]

**TG**: omg dirky youare NEVER EVER EVAR gonna guess what im doing rn  
**TT**: Well I know for a fact it's no one's birthday, so you aren't partying or anything, and you aren't exactly the kind of person to get excited about Literacy Month, so I'm gonna take a guess and say you're trolling some n00b?  
**TG**: v good mr detective but not quite  
**TG**: okay so im on this forum kay?  
**TG**: and there's sum douchy post with a stupid meme title and imm like 'hey what even is this' so ya I totes clicked it  
**TG**: an long storey short im kind off in a hack war with an untraceable tool  
**TT**: ….  
**TT**: Processing.  
**TG**: what evn is therer to process I just told you like EVERYTHIGN  
**TT**: Yeah but you never do this.  
**TT**: You're constantly bemoaning the fact that you have yet to find a hacker on your level, and you're telling me you've suddenly found him/her basically through a meme?  
**TG**: the funny thing bout rivalry dirk is that it works in mystrious ways  
**TG**: *fuck how many typpos have i made so far  
**TG**: *basically everything  
**TG**: ya strider that is EXACTLY wat i am saying  
**TG**: btw its totes a guy i can just TELL  
**TG**: shit brb  
**TT**: This is just strange.  
**TG**: kay back  
**TG**: hat to back up like four diff firewalls and threw up a false hole to throw em off  
**TT**: I'm impressed already, they're good.  
**TG**: i KNOW, right?  
**TG**: i don't even care about the stupid prize i just want to kick his ass  
**TT**: Wait, prize?  
**TG**: yah, he's offerin to get whoever beats him into any datebasa or site they want its ridic  
**TG**: liek im still gonna beat him but im not takin that i don't ned his handouts  
**TT**: Of course you don't.  
**TT**: And when he says 'any' database…  
**TG**: he used cia as a exampel like wow way to look overconfidential  
**TG**: *confident  
**TG**: ugh im distracted  
**TT**: Should I let you get back to this little war of yours?  
**TT**: I would hate to be the reason you lose.  
**TT**: Not that I doubt even your distracted abilities, of course.  
**TT**: I also need to go tweak some of Squarewave's hydraulics; the mechanisms in his left shoulder are jamming again.  
**TT**: So was there anything else you needed?  
**TG**: nah just thought i''d keep u updated  
**TG**: have fun with ur robots an stuff 333  
**TT**: Have fun with your new friend.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at [3:07]

* * *

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] at [11:55]

**CG**: HEY ASSHOLE, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.  
**CG**: HEY.  
**CG**: WE BOTH KNOW YOU'RE FUCKING AROUND ON YOUR COMPUTER **AS ALWAYS** SO YOU MUST BE SEEING THESE MESSAGES.  
**CG**: STOP BEING AN ANTISOCIAL ASSHOLE AND ANSWER ME.  
**CG**: OR TEXT SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO SPEND TIME IN YOUR PRESENCE FOR SOME REASON INSTEAD.  
**CG**: CAN YOU AT LEAST CALL PEIXES OFF? MEGIDO HAD THE DECENCY TO GO THROUGH OTHER CHANNELS TO GET HOLD OF YOU BUT HOLY FUCK THIS ONE NEVER SHUTS UP  
**CG**: SHE'S ALL LIKE 'NYEH, GLUB, WHERE'S SOLLUX?' AND I'M LIKE 'I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE, LEAVE ME ALONE'.  
**CG**: AUGH.  
**CG**: YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.  
**TA**: whoa KK calm your man tiit2  
**CG**: WELL LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW THE FUCK UP.  
**CG**: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?  
**TA**: doiing hard drugs and robbiing liitle old ladiie2  
**TA**: are you proud of me mom  
**CG**: OH FUCK YOU.  
**TA**: lay the fuck off KK, iive been busy  
**CG**: WITH WHAT?  
**TA**: ii've fiinally found a 2omeone half-decent wiith computers  
**CG**: HOLY SHIT, THIS IS ABOUT THAT IDIOTIC FORUM POST YOU MADE  
**CG**: YES, I SAW IT, AND IT'S STUPID AS FUCK AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT.  
**TA**: yeah okay iit wa2 kiind of dumb but whatever  
**TA**: poiint ii2 ii'm almo2t – ALMO2T – clo2e two gettiing my a22 kicked by 2ome 2emii-liiterate lurker who goe2 by tipsyGnostalgic and ii2 2urprii2iingly good at thii2  
**CG**: WOW.  
**CG**: I'M ALMOST MORE IMPRESSED BY THE FACT THAT YOU'RE ADMITTING THAT SOMEONE IS BETTER THAN YOU THAN THE FACT THAT WOW, SOMEONE IS BETTER THAN YOU.  
**TA**: fuck you wiith a ru2ty fork KK, ii 2aiid 2he's CLOSE two my level.  
**CG**: WAIT, 'SHE'?  
**CG**: DID YOU GO THROUGH HER COMPUTER? GOD, YOU'RE SO CREEPY.  
**TA**: nah, fiigured iit out.  
**TA**: 2he talk2 dii2tiinctly liike a chiick  
**TA**: the game ii2 two 2ee who hack2 the other2 computer fiirst  
**TA**: hang on  
**CG**: THAT IS IDIOTIC AND ALSO KIND OF CREEPY.  
**CG**: WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW.  
**TA**: what do you thiink ii'm doiing, ii'm trying to get through her fiirewall2  
**TA**: wow 2he left a gap what an iidiiot  
**TA**: ii mean iit'2 tiiny and ii can kiind of 2ee how 2omeone would mii22 iit but iit'  
**CG**: WHAT?

twinArmageddons is an idle chum!

**CG**: OH FUCK.

twinArmageddons is back online!

**TA**: holy 2hiit  
**TA**: 2he almo2t cra2hed my computer

* * *

Your name is Sollux Captor and you don't know how you haven't beaten this chick yet.

Your name is Roxy Lalonde and you are having the time of your life.

* * *

**This is stupid but I wanted to write humanstuck and this is all I got  
Maybe I'll expand on this universe who knows  
**

**I take great joy in comments, and even though I generally won't respond unless a direct question is asked, I take all constructive criticism into account for my next piece. So maybe take a moment to review?**


End file.
